"It's hard to pretend you love someone
when u don't but it's harder to pretend
that u don't love someone when you really do."

I'm going through life of craps as well of life of enjoyment.
God is blessing me with, rain and sunshine.
You're not being hated as well as not being cared.
I bless you with your girlfriend.
& yes you make me...

Farewell, I'm gonna start a new chapter of my life
without any asshole-d guys.
Guys fuck off! _|_ (»l«) _|_

We broke on 23 July 2010, around 1am.

thank you for the 4 month+ relationship.
now you have knock me down, i'll bring myself up.
since you are so harsh till the state that you say you
wil never contact me. alright, i'm fine with it.

i, kelly ng wan yi swear i'll never be together with
another virgo. i cannot stand their ways of living.
i don't like people who don't to my explaination.

since we are not suit then alright. lets break.
hope you last long with your GIRLFRIEND!
since you told me, you have a new GIRLFRIEND.

If god is for real, can you please bless my grandmum
to be healthy. This is my wish. She's going to have
a operation tomorrow it might seem like a small operation
but for an old lady her age, she might not be able to
withstand it. Please if you're listening please bless her
With a sucessesful operation and her heart is save. If it
have to take my kidney to exchange for hers I'm willing
to do so. Even if that will only exchange for a few more years
I'm still willing.

She's someone who I love the most. She"s someone who seen me
through my life. I can't afford to lose her. She's my everything.
I may seem that I don't really care about her but actually I'm
hiding my feelings. I love her and I mean it. I can't afford to
lose anyone dearly to me. Her life equals to mine.
Without her, there'll be no Kelly Ng Wan Yi.
Not that I'm saying mum and dad aren't important but grandmum
took hold of this two title ever since I'm young.

Ah ma you'll be safe, if it means for me to exchange my life
for a few more years of yours.
Ah ma, I really love YOU.

i did almost everything he want.
he still find me irritating. i changed.
i don't spam message/call him.
i don't find fault in him.
when i'm tired i'll tell him.
when i woke up i'll text him.
i text him 33 message for today.
i counted every single text.
yet he still find me irritating.

he's been saying i'm treating him badly.
i'm changing but did you use your heart to
feel my changed or you seriously can't be
bother anymore? all you ask is "you should really think
if we should be together?"

what are you trying to mean?
aren't i doing enough?
who am i changing for?
whenever i ask you a question,
the answer will always be the same.
"boring!", "you know you very irritating ma!", "up to you!",
"*keep quiet and not answer me*", epic : "I don't know!".
i want a answer from you according to how you want me to be?
yet i doesn't have any of it?

yes, i do know all your answer that's why i'm not asking
anymore question. i'm tired of all your answer.
i'm seriously fighting very hard to maintain our relationship.

anyone can tell me what did i did him wrong?
am i a lousy girlfriend?
or all i can do for him is to make him angry and irritated?
aren't i anything better than all those?

i'm not the Kelly N.W.Y in the past.
i'm not as strong as before.
i have millions of regrets in life but i can't change any of them.

recently i've gotten food poisoning it had seriously affected my gastric.
it's been 6 days and i'm still having diarrhea and still vomiting.
D: it's ultra torturing.

you guys will be thinking why i've change my blog skin picture.
because this is a picture that show how sweet we are in the past, unlike now.
he said that he feel hurt by me. ):

i never thought of hurting him but still he feel so.
hais, i can't focus on anything but him.
i been forcing myself to study and even though i do manage to get
notes in, yet still after studying when i'm left alone doing nothing
i'll be still missing him again.

i know you hate me to cry or hurt myself and every time
after i've hurt you, i'll only say sorry. this word "SORRY won't
be the cure of those harmful and harsh word you have receieve.
i won't say another word of sorry to you anymore. i'll promise
not to cry and hurt myself. i really love you. i hope you understand.

promises aren't meant to make to be broken.
i'll be a better girlfriend.

this few days i;ve not being smiling like i usually do.
guess what i've been doing? answer: crying.
you will be thinking why will i freaking cry.
answer: i don't know, i feel something missing yet
i do not know how to define it.

crying didn't make me feel better as what my counselor
said. actually it make me feel weaker than ever.
other than when i was just a baby, i've never cried
this much before. i'm a girl who dislike crying in front
of others and guess what recently i keep on crying in the
public. even when i'm alone on buses or train. tears just
can't stop streaming down my cheeks. i have to hide my face
away in order not for others to see that i'm crying.

putting up this strong front is tiring. i want a shoulder to lie
on. yet is he ready to accept me wholeheartedly?
answer: he don't know. i'm the one who made this relationship
turned sour this my retribution.

all i have in mind now is to have myself to stop crying.